December 08, 2003

Painfully Disgusting

You know how people pass by car accidents, and they just have to look and see what happened, regardless of how bad it might be?

About five minutes ago, "Big Scott" from the warehouse came in here (note: we call him "Big Scott" because he is 300 lbs., not of fat, but of pure strength. He can palm my head. He played football for Syracuse back when "The Rock", from wrestling fame, played for Miami, or whatever Florida school he went to. During one play, "Big Scott" levelled The Rock, aka Dwayne Johnson, taking him out with ease. Apparently "Big Scott" could smell what the Rock was cooking.  Oh, also, his name is Scott.)

Anyway, "Big Scott" came into my office and began to tell me about his toe nail, and how it was really bothering him. He unlaced his boot, and showed me the damaged toe nail... it was nasty.

Oh no, it doesn't stop there.

"I should just cut this nail off," he says. "It's bugging the crap outta me."

I responded with a horrified giggle from my desk.

"Big Scott" then began to play with it, and I hypnotically looked, unable to turn away. "You know what?" he said. "I'm just gonna rip this thing right off."

At this point I should have turned away, but my eyes were fixated on that brownish, greenish toe nail wiggling around on his big toe.

My eyes grew larger, the hand slowly moved towards the nail...

slowly getting closer...

closer...

SNAP!

I thought I was going to vomit, and my head fell immidiatley into my hands. I heard "Big Scott" laughing gleefully from across the room, obviously aware that he creeped me out. Unfortunately for me, however, he had only ripped half the nail off, and I had to go through the process once more.

"Ah much better," he snickered, without even a wince.

It was only after he threw the dead toe nail away that we came up with the brilliant idea of leaving it on Jay's desk (as he was not in here at the time), but I guess we'll have to live with it being in his garbage can, which- trust me- is gross enough.

Godspeed!

Posted by jed at December 8, 2003 11:58 AM
Comments

that was just about the nastiest thing EVER. the thought of missing nails makes me want to pass out.

HOW did his nail get like that?

was it full of puss? (note: i wanted to add e to the end of puss like fun = funny but then it would be pussy and i am sure his toenail was not full of pussy.)

Posted by: K at December 8, 2003 11:45 PM

wait, why would you want to add an e, wouldn't you want to add a y.

or did you think 'puss' was spelled 'pusse', because i say 'pusse' like 'peeyous', which is really kind of a fun word to say. i wonder if it means anything.

also, 'puss' is actually spelled 'pus.'

Posted by: The Admiral at December 9, 2003 01:53 PM

further reseach concludes that 'pusse' is not actually a word, nor does it means anything.

however, if you disect the word, and interesting fact comes about.

'Puss' is defined as a cat, or a young girl, and 'se' is the the chemical symbol for the element selenium, or simply 'south east.' with this in mind, we have a few different possibilities:

pusse- a young girl made of selenium
pusse- a cat made of selenium
pusse- cats who live in the southeastern hempishpere
pusse- girls who live in the southeastern hemisphere
pusse- cats who eat selenium

as you can see, the possibilities are endless. thank you, karen, for opening all of our eyes to this magnificent new word.

Posted by: The Admiral at December 9, 2003 02:04 PM

Ah, but there is an error in your analysis Admiral, because in geography there is typically nothing known as the "Southeastern hemisphere". A hemisphere is half of a sphere, so when it comes to a sphere like the Earth, there can be a northern, southern, eastern or western hemisphere. It is possible to divide a sphere in a diagonal fashion, taking the overlap of the southern and eastern hemispheres, but the section you are left with is not a full hemisphere.

I also would not want to meet a girl or a cat made up of (or eating selenium) since high blood levels of selenium can result in symptoms that include hair loss, nerve damage, and... white blotchy nails! See, it all comes back to nasty fingernails.

Posted by: lopolis at December 9, 2003 03:45 PM

Or toenails, as the case may be.

Posted by: lopolis at December 9, 2003 04:14 PM

you win this round, lopolis...

but soon i will destroy you, when you come face to face with me and my selenium eating cat in the southeastern hemisphere.

that is when i will strike, and reign pusse all over you!

Posted by: The Admiral at December 9, 2003 04:25 PM

look at what i started...

i'm so proud!

Posted by: K at December 9, 2003 11:20 PM

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Posted by: online poker at September 20, 2004 09:20 PM
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