June 09, 2004

Make Me Sicks Flags

BOYCOTT, BOYCOTT, BOYCOTT! Never before have I felt the need to strongly pursue a boycott of anything, but my experience today at Six Flags changed that in the matter of minutes. Upon arriving at Six Flags New England this morning, and being forced into a very long single line for tickets amidst a field of closed ticket booths, I instantly decided it would be a long time before I ever went back. Throughout the course of the day, however, things became progressively worse, and finished with a situation that will not only end any visits to Six Flags, but has also urged me to start a boycott in the hopes that I can help others from falling into their bottomless pit of crapiness. Please take a moment to read why Six Flags is so crappy.

1: We arrived at Six Flags on a Tuesday morning with the hopes that it would be somewhat less busy in early June, middle of the week. We thought we were right, but as I mentioned earlier, we were instantly forced into our first long line of the day: the ticket line.

There were at least 10 to 15 ticket booths at the entrance to Six Flags- one of these booths was open- and we stood in line for 45 minutes.

2: The admission price is ridiculous. Chuck had a coupon for 12 dollars off each ticket, good for up to 6 people. We were a group of four, so between us, we saved 48 dollars off the admission price. Sounds good, right?

The total price, to simply set foot in the park, for 4 people, was $111.96. Now keep in mind, we saved 48 dollars, not to mention the 10 dollar parking fee. If we didn't have coupons, it would have cost us $170.00 just to get inside!

3: To keep on the same lines with pricing, let's talk about food, games, and drinks once you're inside the park.

Bottled water, $3.00
Small crappy lunch for 2, $19.00
Dippin Dots, $8.00
Carnival games, $3.00-4.00/game
ATM Fee, $3.00
And no, nothing was priceless... rather, everything had a very large price tag.

4: Chuck and I tried to go last year, but upon arriving at the parking lot and being overwhelmed by massive amounts of people (It was absolutley insane, the parking lot literally went for miles) we turned around and came home. When we got there today, we were pleasantly surprised by the lack of cars, and assumed the lines would be very low.

However, it seems that when the park anticipates lower crowds, they run less cars on the roller coasters. Not only that, but they seem to run them slower. So then, even though there weren't a lot of people ( in comparison to past experience), some rides had lines of up to an hour or more wait (we know this because a sign estimates waiting times at all the rides). So even with lesser (yet still pretty large) crowds, the lines are typically never short, and there will always be a wait.

5: This complaint put me over the edge. The star attraction at Six Flags New England is the superman roller coaster. Sound familiar? If so, it's probably because someone was killed on it a month ago, and it made national news. This didn't stop us, though, we knew we'd be fine. After all, I have been on the ride many times in the past.

This ride is nutorious for malfunctioning, especially when people are on it. My sister actually got stuck on it once a few years ago for 45 minutes, so it was no surprise that it broke down numerous times today. Chuck, Karen and I were in line when it broke down, and decided to come back later when the line wasn't so long, and when it wasn't broken.

We went back to the ride a couple hours later, and as I started to enter the line, the 16 year old high schooler told me I was half an inch too tall to ride the ride. I became instantly furious, as I had been in line earlier- not to mention I have riden the ride many times before. I demanded to speak to his manager, and was told I could find him at the exit to the ride.

Of course, he wasn't there, so I went to the front gate and customer relations. I told them what happened, confused as to why it was ok to ride 3 hours prior, but now I am too tall. I did not grow in the 3 hours. They told me I was, in fact, too tall, and I couldn't go on it. (keep in mind, a half an inch, if that) I kept trying to explain to them that I understood why I couldn't go on it, but I was curious why I was allowed in line earlier. What if I had gotten on the ride, would that half an inch have killed me? If so, why was I allowed in? I rode the ride before, does that mean I should have died because I was a half an inch too big? Let me also point out, while this was happening, someone my exact height walked in behind us, problem free.

I wanted a refund. I went to six flags specifically to ride that ride, and with all the money I spent just to set foot inside the park, I wanted something. After all, I could have caused a huge scene based on the circumstance, knowing they let me in when they "shouldn't" have, on a ride someone just died on. I mean c'mon, that half an inch is apparently a huge deal, right? They should at least give me something to keep my mouth shut. Want to know what they gave me?

I got a voucher, to enter the exit side of a roller coaster I wasn't too tall for, so that I didn't have to wait in line.... good for only two people.

A VOUCHER!?!?! My life is worth a crappy voucher for a ride we all went on when we first got there?!?! And you know what else? We got to the roller coaster, and there was no line, so we didn't have to wait anyway! Thanks Six Flags for the voucher, I feel much better now. But I guess it's good to know that my life is important enough to receive a little piece paper that, if you read between the lines, basically just says F%$# you! (sorry mom)

Well you know what Six Flags, you can take your stupid piece of paper and cram it. I will never set foot in that stupid park, or any Six Flags, again. I'd rather set fire to my wallet and see the money burn away than watch you milk people like cows by sugar coating your greediness!

....Breathe Jed, breathe...phew, ok, I'm a little better now.

But if you're still reading this after all that babble, you must have just a small amount of sympathy. I know that if you have ever been to a park like this recently, you've succumbed to their evil empire, just like I did. But now I beg you, please, BOYCOTT SIX FLAGS!! If not for me, then do it for your own sake. I know there is a Six Flags near Seattle, one near DC and Maryland, and one in New Jersey, along with probably a hundred others that are slowly ruining the amusement park experience for people of all ages.

Too tall?! A worthless voucher?!! Hundreds of dollars between 4 people?!?!??!


Posted by jed at June 9, 2004 12:29 AM

You know what say you do?...Starting Sunday, don't go there for one whole year! That will teach them. By the way do you know what Six Flags spells/means in Mandarin Chinese? Xis sgalf. AKA known as "filthy fish caught by man on junk boat". Yeah, that is what I thought...major correlation here.

Posted by: Tokyo Joe at June 9, 2004 10:35 AM

Hey, I'm going back to 6 Flags today. Anyone want to come? It's WELL worth it!

Posted by: Chuck at June 10, 2004 12:13 PM

thanks chuck...


Posted by: jed at June 10, 2004 12:19 PM

yo, how much time did you waste writing that rant? buy a mountain bike.

Posted by: Rocket at June 10, 2004 03:39 PM

the same amount of time you wasted reading it.


Posted by: jed at June 10, 2004 03:52 PM

No, I'll bet you spent MUCH more time writing it than anyone could ever spend simply reading it. Unless they're blind.

And have a Braile computer monitor.

Posted by: Chuck at June 14, 2004 03:33 PM

Let us beware of saying that death is the opposite of life. The living being is only a species of the dead, and a very rare species.

Posted by: online poker at September 21, 2004 07:16 PM
Post a comment

Remember personal info?